Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
