If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
