the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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