my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
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She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
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I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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