I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
