Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
