I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
vagina is talking i cant
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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