Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
