Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
