so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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