i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
