There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
