So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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