Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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