This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
