The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
