fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
