I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize