i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
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He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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