The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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