His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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