He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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