at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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