No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
