I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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