There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
