Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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