my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
