got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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