Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
