Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
