i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
