you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
