So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
