The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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