I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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