oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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