hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
