How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
