Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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