That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
