Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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