I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
