the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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