Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
