great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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