I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
