HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
