Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
