we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
