when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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