I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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