Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
