just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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