you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
