between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
