this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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