You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
