OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
