My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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