my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
