At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You were trust falling into bushes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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