Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
