There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
