I will die if light touches me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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