Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
