at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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