I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think I just sharted jello shots
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
